Monday, June 8, 2009
im just gonna type whatever my heart tells me to.
i've been hIding in this small,crapped up shell.
whAtever others say,im just imMune to it.
whatever.
no one knows,no one feelS the way i do.
you want to know why?
cause everyone is self-centered,they have theIr own thoughts & feelings.
hence,they cannot feel what i feel.
maybe not everyoNe.
some "Kings" & some "queens."
some are not as heartless as others.
should i count myself as heartless?
i dont know.
i wonder why others have perfect good lIves,while im suffering like a moron here.
they enjoy their lives pretty well to say.
while me,suffer & go through every siNgle shit that will happen anytime.
i wonder why.
this life,after all,is what i have to Go through,be it good or bad.
seriously,i Dont know why it just came out.
recalling everything that happened since birth,i cried out.
i wonder why is my life so scrEwed up,so mEssy.
from nearly thrown death as a baby,crapPed up divorces to nearly getting suspEnded in school years,a neaRly drop out.
As the memories flashed by,i seem to realise somethiNg.i seem to get into more troubles with serious consequences.
i realiseD im Digging my grave.
too much troublEs,too many.
from skipping classes to playing pranks on tEachers,breaking school rules.
it was my mind thinking,not me.
as Psle came closer though,bucking up was on my mind,nothing elEe could distuRb it.
results cAme back & it was Not what i had expected.
tears flowed,people huggeD.
life carried on.
entereD this crapping school with crapping friends & teachers.
lifE was never on the bright side for me.
my whole mindsEt had to be changed,my behaviour changed.
meeting new friends,who influenced me to slash,to do stuff against my inner will.
had the first most disgusting horrible boyfriend one could ever have.
many People knew about it.
but it still ended when it came to a few days bEfore the fiRst month.
started being my emotional self,someone who just kept slAshing herself without thoughts.
it carried on & oN,until secondary2 came.
a little more matureD,most aggressive,more violent,more hot-tempered,more friends..
clique broke,i got pisseD,about everything,until i knew a friEnd,who would help me out.
thank you.
studies deteriorated,more enEmies made,crazier & hot-tempered as ever.
more troubles,more regrets,more consequences.
finally bucked uP & topped the 3rd position in class.
movEd on.
took up the cRaziest combination for a normal academic student -double math.
sec3 life started.
everything changed.
my life changed,my friendS changed,teachers changed,classmates changed.
studies seemed to deteriorate more,with noisy Classmates,& being far apart with the one true friend.
everything seem to be undeR control,except that thEre were more troubles that i Was to face.
defiance leading to dEtention,arguments leaDing to complains,straight-forward attitude Leading to hurt & grIeF.
its mE,i could not do anything.
temptation of breaking ruleS,temptation of trying out new things,new bad things were high.
& i Could not help but to think of it almost eveRyday.
rules were sEt,rules were fixed.
i did things that made people angry,hurt,grieved.
my actions didnt speak louder than my Words.
rEgrets came in again.
everything changeD again.
harsher consequences & rules were set,& this tiMe i will follow it.
to be a bettEr person,a new me.
people,this is my speech,from deep within.
choose to understand or not,its your choice.
i wont force.
but please note,if you can figure what im saying,good for you.
~ends~
.i whine today, have u? .
THAT GIRL.
` C.laudia S.L.Y.X
` 16;22nd July
` Green FREAK
` Lame,Crazy,Hyper & Fun around
` Friends before anything
` Panda's are loved
Dont judge me without knowing me
CRAVES.
` Green Crumpler bag
` Pass chinese
` Save $200 by July
` Better videoing skills
` Panda stuff toys
` A new green badminton racquet
` Have a stronger voice
` Finish learning guitar
` Have piano lessons
` New handphone
` Promote to sec5NA/Higher Nitec
` Make new friends
` Looney Tunes stuff toy
SCREAMS.
EXITS.
New Blog
Alicia
Caryn
Chee Tat
Conan
Denise
Felicia
JingPing
LiJing
LiYun
Lisa
Michele
Nadiah
Serika
ShiQi
Shermane
Steffany
Vengyan
WaiHian
WeiJien
WeiNing
Wings
Zhenyu
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MEMORIES.
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
September 2010
MUZIK.
CREDITS!