fighting for oreos.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I never knew that i have this type of family.
a family that makes me f*cked up.
a family that only knows how to blame,knows how to badmouth me.
I didnt know my ahma was that bad.
I didnt know that she would call me a f*cking girl.
I didnt know my ahgong was that bad to agree.
I didnt know my step-siblings snatched away my happiness.
I didnt know my family would treat me like an outcast.

I dont know that my family would cause me hurt & grief,sadness & pain.

All I know is,
my family dont give a f*cked about me anymore.
my family just simply think im always the troublemaker
Im never treated with care & love.

I just cant wait to NOT turn 15.
I dont want to be 15.
Empty promises.
broken heart.

Im pretty f*cked up now.
I cant stand it anymore.

How i wish i could run away at this point.

Nothing is better to than to die now too.

~ends~

.i whine today, have u? .

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

looks like the camp is gonna be postponed to the september holidays?
full of craps.

what a beautiful day & such lovely mood have I,
UNTIL...
i went home & got into trouble for no reason.
seriously detest against it.
it wasnt even my fault yet i got blamed.
all i did was only keep quiet!!
shall keep quiet more often nowadays.
Cancerians are obedient,moody & emotional people.=)

Let's just hope I will change for the better?
or maybe I already am?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Woke up at five plus in the morning to bathe & get my hair done,
but thanks to someone,
i only could start bathing at six.
walked to bus stop,like what i would do on normal days,take my time & then rush.=D
took bus service 189 to the same old bus stop & walked to the bread shop to get a munch,
since an oh-so caring Piggy told me to.
whilst on the way to school,bought a bottle of water & continued walking.

Reached school & realized they had a temperature taking exercize going on.
walked to the band room & set up my instrument set,practically consisting of my precious trombone,trombone stand & of course the music stand.
greased the slide of my precious trombone.

Had rehearsals in the parade square as well as in the hall.
a few rounds of practie was enough to lower my energy level.
was really worn out after the rehearsals.

Dismissed & walked with Liyun to westmall.
oh yes,not to forget,Munleng waswith us as well.
saw Jilin & Jingping at the traffic light & they joined us as well.
made our minds up to have lunch at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
as we were munching away on our Glorious food,
Clement & gang came in.then they went out.
continuing with our normal chatters,
Eunice & gang came along & decided to have their lunch there as well.

Since it was very boring this afternoon,
I suggested that we watch a movie.
all agreed except for Jilin,reason being that it was a horrror movie.
movie was to be due at 1630hrs & we had 2hrs plus to spend.
decided to walk around with Liyun & headed to Tom&Stephanie to "play".
then got our drinks & sat outside a computer hardware shop,lazing around.
chatted with her & listened to music.
Jilin went off & Arvin came along,sat & kept quiet.
horror time.

Headed to the theatre & bought some food.
whilst walking into the cinema finding our seats,somee screamed & shocked me.
sat down & while watching the movie,i screamed.
practically,throuhout the whole movie,i was the only one screaming?
its like freaking scary!!
nearly had a heart attack.=(

Movie ended & i suggessted we walked home.
parted with jingping & carried on with Liyun.
chatted alot.as in ALOT.
bought a bottle of MeiJi milk.
drank the whole bottle finish.
took bus service 188 home.

What a fantastic & fabulous day it is!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks Piggy Teo ZhuZhu =)
for everything!!

I want:
-More chinese spelling.
-More rules.

I will only want to prove that I can do it.

Let's bet,I can keep quiet without retaliating.

'cause I'm willing to change.

~ends~

.i whine today, have u? .

Saturday, June 20, 2009

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!
I DONT GIVE A F*CK ALREADY OKAY!!family,mother,father,siblings,grandparents,WHATEVER!!

they dont care,i also dont care.

argh!

WHATEVER!!

i dont give a f*ck to anything.
no proper family,no proper friends(exception to some),whatever.
what you want to do,not my problem.

dont want give money,dont want provide things,I DONT CARE!!

whatever~

cant stand ahgong. has been nagging everytime he comes home.

got so irritated when he kept talking about dad.
so?

since tmr's daddy's day,no enjoyment for me.

whatever.

i dont give a shit anymore.

just gonna emo & mia for the whole of tomorrow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

went out with denise today.

was quite fun actually.

went to get some cash from ahma to eat.
went to marina square to eat & walk around.

suggested the esplanade & flyer.

but went to the esplanade & saw a handbell performance.

was quite nice.

then walked out to find the s'pore flyer & saw live jamming.

COOL!

stayed & listened to the music.

took some pictures.

Denise holding a flower

Handbells performance

Live Jamming

Me(Denise insisted that she take one)

I DONT CARE.
completely lost hope in myself.

~ends~

.i whine today, have u? .

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

sorry for the lack of updates these days.
has been quite down these few days,so intentionally refusing to update.

had cat.class outing on last saturday.
went bowling.played 3games.
then went to kallang to play netball.
all the professionals were there for a tournament.
embarrassed ourselves i suppose."==

headaches are coming back these days.

coming back as a regular customer now.

shit.

what am i suppose to do now.

everything's over now.

i dont know what to say.

i dont know what to feel.

most importantly,i dont know what to do.

i thought it would be great,it would continue.

but its not gonna happen now.

got crushed by the news...

~ends~

.i whine today, have u? .

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

sometimes i really wonder if i am really a friend to people around me or just considered as a hi-bye friend.
sometimes i also wonder why am i born like this.
sometimes i wonder if a mother will change for the sake of the love to the child.
sometimes i wonder who is telling the truth & who is a liar.
sometimes,i wonder if all these was god's doings or not.
sometimes,i think that i messed up my life further when its already been messy from the start.
sometimes i think that im not fit to be anyone's friend.
sometimes i wonder when i can stop my life & just drop dead & see the reaction of everyone.
sometimes...
sometimes...
sometimes,i just dont feel like doing anything except to stare into space & day-dream about the future,if i was to live that long.
sometimes,i just wonder about when my death will knock on my door.
sometimes...
sometimes,i just dont feel like updating my blog.

my life is messed im making it messier.

should have just drop dead to stop screwing it right?

screw it.

i wonder if everything's gonna be fine for me...or maybe not?

maybe picking up smoking seems to be a good idea.

or maybe to start of with slashing.

err...no.

start with an overdose first.

haix..

i dont know.

~ends~

.i whine today, have u? .

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

really had fun today.
went to meet Alicia pig & Weining bear at macs,passed present.
then headed to woodlands to pierce my ears.
went to junhong's house?
damn fun!
played with the dog,then watched Boys Before Flowers while the guys played monopoly.
cool.
dragon came & interrupted our movie.
so the guys continued playing.
stopped watching at 7 plus.
went out to play 21,taidi,smack,heartattack.
then sang happy birthday song to weining,with cake.
took photo with waihian,weining,jonathan,bengchew,dragon,junhong.
all act cute.-.-
shall update pictures next time.

i wonder who had solved the code in my previous post EXCEPT for william.
geez..my panda!!
okays,nuts.

i wonder who will know what i know.

~ends~

.i whine today, have u? .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to WEINING!!

hope that you had a wonderful 16th birthday.

.i whine today, have u? .

i really dont understand.

i tried my best.
but everything seems to turn out wrong.
i wonder why..
no one can ever do that.no one.

thank you william for always listening & crapping.

hope that everything your side will go well too.=)

goodnight people.

i dont feel like being online already.

.i whine today, have u? .

Monday, June 8, 2009

i dont know i dont care.
im just gonna type whatever my heart tells me to.

i've been hIding in this small,crapped up shell.
whAtever others say,im just imMune to it.
whatever.
no one knows,no one feelS the way i do.
you want to know why?
cause everyone is self-centered,they have theIr own thoughts & feelings.
hence,they cannot feel what i feel.
maybe not everyoNe.
some "Kings" & some "queens."
some are not as heartless as others.
should i count myself as heartless?
i dont know.
i wonder why others have perfect good lIves,while im suffering like a moron here.
they enjoy their lives pretty well to say.
while me,suffer & go through every siNgle shit that will happen anytime.
i wonder why.
this life,after all,is what i have to Go through,be it good or bad.
seriously,i Dont know why it just came out.
recalling everything that happened since birth,i cried out.
i wonder why is my life so scrEwed up,so mEssy.
from nearly thrown death as a baby,crapPed up divorces to nearly getting suspEnded in school years,a neaRly drop out.
As the memories flashed by,i seem to realise somethiNg.i seem to get into more troubles with serious consequences.
i realiseD im Digging my grave.
too much troublEs,too many.
from skipping classes to playing pranks on tEachers,breaking school rules.
it was my mind thinking,not me.
as Psle came closer though,bucking up was on my mind,nothing elEe could distuRb it.
results cAme back & it was Not what i had expected.
tears flowed,people huggeD.
life carried on.
entereD this crapping school with crapping friends & teachers.
lifE was never on the bright side for me.
my whole mindsEt had to be changed,my behaviour changed.
meeting new friends,who influenced me to slash,to do stuff against my inner will.
had the first most disgusting horrible boyfriend one could ever have.
many People knew about it.
but it still ended when it came to a few days bEfore the fiRst month.
started being my emotional self,someone who just kept slAshing herself without thoughts.
it carried on & oN,until secondary2 came.
a little more matureD,most aggressive,more violent,more hot-tempered,more friends..
clique broke,i got pisseD,about everything,until i knew a friEnd,who would help me out.
thank you.
studies deteriorated,more enEmies made,crazier & hot-tempered as ever.
more troubles,more regrets,more consequences.
finally bucked uP & topped the 3rd position in class.
movEd on.
took up the cRaziest combination for a normal academic student -double math.
sec3 life started.
everything changed.
my life changed,my friendS changed,teachers changed,classmates changed.
studies seemed to deteriorate more,with noisy Classmates,& being far apart with the one true friend.
everything seem to be undeR control,except that thEre were more troubles that i Was to face.
defiance leading to dEtention,arguments leaDing to complains,straight-forward attitude Leading to hurt & grIeF.
its mE,i could not do anything.
temptation of breaking ruleS,temptation of trying out new things,new bad things were high.
& i Could not help but to think of it almost eveRyday.
rules were sEt,rules were fixed.
i did things that made people angry,hurt,grieved.
my actions didnt speak louder than my Words.
rEgrets came in again.
everything changeD again.
harsher consequences & rules were set,& this tiMe i will follow it.
to be a bettEr person,a new me.

people,this is my speech,from deep within.
choose to understand or not,its your choice.
i wont force.
but please note,if you can figure what im saying,good for you.

~ends~

.i whine today, have u? .

Friday, June 5, 2009

Sometimes i really wonder why is there a word, "friends".
"Friends":
Do they stick to you or betray you?
Do they help you or leave you alone?
Do they suck up to you because you're famous or because you ARE their friend?
Do they talk nice about & backstab you or they just speak their mind?
Who can ever find the meaning of a FRIEND,not "friend".
Everyone has their own.but it depends on how we treat them?
i dont know.maybe?

Fine,i shall speak now.

Denise Wong:
Being with denise,jingping,jilin,inging,shermane AKA my ex-clique?
i wonder how many of them are FRIENDS.
many would say "yea yea,i am your FRIEND" but most probably they would just mean "friend".
I'll tell you the truth.
Only Denise among there is my "FRIEND".
she stuck with me through thick & thin since sec1,talked to me when they was many problems in the clique & i was like the target.
though this year,we're not in the same class,we stil talk & she always has something sweet to say.
Thank you Denise for being a FRIEND.

Liyun the Cloud:
though i only knew her since sec2,she has actually turned out to be very nice.
maybe not at times.
but even whnen i was an outcast from the clique,she accompanied me through my duties,& we did have fun breaking the canteen rules.
She saw my temper,weak anger-management skills & reviles.
& always asks me to calm down,which i had never found the meaning until this year.
in the beginning,i was like stressed about stuff in school & "friends",since it was a new class also.
i kept telling her that everyone changed & she was like,"now then you know ah?"
crap,i am slow.
like an eagle who can spot everything is she & forever she will be.
asked her if i did & she didnt wanted to tell me,but after a few times,she did.yes,i changed for the better.
but now its still horrible.
jeez...
anyways,liyun,thanks for being a FRIEND to me.

Piggy Teo ZHUZHU(Alicia):
We were actually enemies at first,all because of one reckless remark i made in a game of captain's ball about her,even though both our classes hated each other.
word spreaded until it reached her & we had this hatred against each other.
This carried on until sec2,until i joined band & knew liyun better.
thanks to her,we buried the hatchet i suppose?
i forgot how we got each other's contact but it was nice meeting her.
chat about everything & shared secrets.
always there with advices in mind,ready to give them when i need help.
always there for me in times of need.
even though she's ominous,im always frivolous to her threats.
& my obnoxiousness has always land me into loads of troubles even though she talks to me about it.
being very curious,i did something which totally nearly toppled the high rise blocks down & it was not easy to plead with her.
from that day,i swore to myself to never ever make her angry.
but it always fails,cause either mood,sudden reminiscences or my remonstrations makes her pissed..?
really sorry..
thanks for always being there,though sometimes im not.
& for all the advices you gave & always conciliating me.
even though im always quelurous,you always cleared them away.
Really Thank You alot.
once we were enemies,now we're BEST FRIENDS.
Thanks for being my BEST FRIEND!

My 2 Dogs,Weijien & Kenneth:
Weijien for always being my bullying buddy when im down.
& for listening to my problems sometimes & cheering me up.
Kenneth for being helpful even though he's a pervert.-.-
but a really nice person if you know him well.
Thank you for being my FRIEND too!!

Shall not touch on the seniors(sec4s)
thats part of it in that little box which the lock always breaks.
maybe not all,but some of it is out.
I really really appreciate them for everything they had done & i hope our friendships lasts.
Thanks FRIENDS!!

thats all for now.will update later?i mean after band.?

~adios~

.i whine today, have u? .

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

D.A.R.E camp afterall rocks?
really got wet like ****.
love my group,Green Lantern!!
Aziz was like,"its her favorite color!!"
retarded.

Let me apologize & make an oath okays?

Denise:
I'm really really sorry.maybe yes,afterall,im self-centered.
that was my mindset,i thought everything would be over.
but you told me it wont?
maybe yes.maybe i should start thinking about it.
& i still wont tell you who taught me.=)its myself!!
lol.

Alicia:
Your bomb explanation was understandable.it made sense.
thanks for giving me many chances.
after you rules are up,i should be different by then.
hopefully,i can change.
all your encouragement never fails to motivate me.
thanks alot.
thanks for being there when i needed help.
though im not always there for you.
thank you.
-professional in threatening me.-.-

Lijing,Waihian,Weining:
Good Luck for your "n" & "o" respectively.
& what professional threateners you are.

Michele:
sorry for everything.
but thanks for being there for me.
maybe you might not understand,but your toilet brain of yours has always guided me back again.
thank you!=)

sorry to all you guys fro making you worried.
i know it was a crazy move,but did it out of...nevermind.
sorry sorry.
hopefully i can stop it.

TL,i still hate you.

~ends~

.i whine today, have u? .

Monday, June 1, 2009

i really dont know anything.
why do everyone say there is hope?
i dont see any light on my walkway.
where is it?
am i on the path to hell?
or what?
i dont know.

whatever yea?
im not fit to be anyone's friend.

TL,i really hate you when you're not online.
screw your nuts.-.-
too bad that tmr i wont be.
asshole.

who is that girl i see,staring straight back at me.
when will my reflection show who i am inside.

aku tidak layak untuk jadi kawan kepada seseorang.

~au revior~

.i whine today, have u? .