yea.
whatever.
im speechless about myself.

anyway,
it was an emotional day for me,especially when im running a flu with an on-off headache.
it was social studies & we got our test paper back.
as usual,sihui got the highest with me ranking up next with a mark of 20/25.
it was english next & i really didnt felt well enough to do the vocabulary.
in the end,
passed 2 of them & failed 1.

after that was history & my health deteriorated.
i harldy could remember all the notes & i couldnt answer any questions.
it was 3minutes before recess & i got to leave early,according to the rule of being a councillor.
saw dragon & he made a stupid face & sound to me.
told him to shut up.
then said "hi" to weining also.

went to my designated staircase,D2,located near 1E5 classroom.
started to copy the question requiring graphical method & made an achievement of only having done a question.
chinese was a boring lesson & i totally fell asleep.
with my being half-asleep,i nearly shouted at mdm toh,for she banged hard on my desk,disturbing my beauty sleep.
had 2 periods of elementary mathematics after that & with it being the last 2 periods of the day,the teacher could drag our time.
speak of the devil,she did,for 15minutes.

took my bag & stuff,headed to settle at the brown tables located outside the AVA room.
liyun & i had to finish up our english summary.
handed in,not to the teacher,but in her pigeon hole.
then,had our lunch at a coffee shop near westmall.
then walked around westmall but ended up buying stuff at popular.
departed bukit batok by boarding bus serivce 189 home.

progress today:
-didnt laugh alot.only laughed at 5%.


i have to admit,i hate that.
im sorry for assuming.im sorr for everything.
the only reason explainable for this is because people puts the blame on me & i humbly accept them.
my conscience is haunting me because i force myself to laugh.
i really dont know what i should do.
failure..im sucha failure..
i cant even cheer people up.


~Au Revoir~

have not updated for a long time.
LONG to say.

got screwed on thursday.
had band on friday with a bad mood running on.
saturday,with a long history on church.
got damn angry at the choir secretary on sunday.
maybe not so.
passed my physics test!!
but flung my math test,after results were collected today.


totally disgusted.
well,
i could not help but to just force my weakling inside me to put on a smile,
force the laughter out.
what should i say..?
i dont know?
getting a stick from inging tomorrow,it will all depend on that one decision.
that one decision will decide my future now.

anyways,thaks to Cheetat,Kenneth & conan for making my smile back alive in class.
as well as the video than Conan uploaded.

~Au Revoir~

i really dont know how to explain.
why are friends called friends?
why are there families when none of them care about you?
why are there things that you dont understand about yourself?
why must all of you insult for fun?
why?

I've had enough.
Im not gonna force myself to smile anymore.
I not gonna laugh or smile to school or whatsoever.
since insulting me is fun,go ahead.
i dont give a shit anymore.
since friends are called friends for fun,
might as well betray me continuosly,hate me,backstab me.
since families dont care about me,might as well ask them to treat me as someone invisible,someone who they dont know of.

Im sick & tired of everything.
no one understands,maybe one or two,but not others do.
i come home,get ****ed up.
start crying as i think about the day.
at home,no one cares.
even if im sick,no one cares.
even if im starving,no one cares.
whats' the use of living in this pathetic useless world?

No sibling of my blood.
no one understands.
oh,how i wish that i could just jump off a building.,
to end my troubles,to end my worries.

no one could ever place themselves in my shoes.
no one understands my plight.
maybe some could.
but....
nevermind.

off now,hopefully i would be online someday.
byes.

~ends~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CONAN the Barbarian!!





-no mood
-fish shit.screwed everyhing.
-you'll never understand if you weren't in my shoes.


~ends~

1: Beside your lips, where is your favourite spot to get kiss?
-cheeks?

2:How do you feel When you wake up this morning?
-Tired.damn tired.

3:Who was the last person you took a picture with?
-I cant remember leii.liyun?liza?

4:Would you consider to be spoilt?
-No.

5:Would you ever donate blood?
-For charity,yes.

6:Do you have a good friend of the opposite sex?
-Yea.

7:Whats does your last message says?
-"2moro got wat math"

8:Do you want someone dead?
-No.i dont wanna kill anyone

9:What are you thinking now?
-Panda.& more pandas.

10:Did you wish someone was with you right now?
-Yea...

11:What time did you sleep last night?
-11 plus?

12:Where did you bought your t-shirt you're wearing now?
-Toa Payoh

13:Is someone on your mind right now?
-Yea

14:Who were the last 3 person you text you?
-Alicia,Kenneth & Liyun

15:Do you have secrets?
-Yea.

16:Would you fall in love with a boy/girl who is younger/older then you?
-Yea.

17:Do you enjoy going to school?
-Maybe?

18:What would you do with a Billion dollars?
-Donate to charity & get stuff i want.

19:will you fall in love with your bestfriend?
-Impossible.they're girls.

20:Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
-both?

21:List out any of your most favourite bands.
-Paramore,Farenheit,SHE.

22:Would you still kiss your Ex?
-No way!

23:Have you ever had your heart broken?
-Yea...

24:Do you believe cheating is bad?
-Yes.

25:Are you missing someone special right now?
-Yes

26:Do you want childrens?
-dont know.

27:If yes, How many?Refer to Qns 26
-2?

28:Would you consider adoption?
-Yea.

29:If someone like you right now, Would you want them to tell you?
-No.

30:Do you believe in celebrating and anniversary?
-Depends.

31:Do you get butterfiles when you're around your crush?
-yea..

32:Do any of your EXs still have feelings for you?
-Yea.......-.-

33:Have you slept at your BF/GF house before?
-No.

34:Who would you spend the most time of your life with?
-Friends,family

35:Does anyone know your password to your friendster beside yourself?
-Friendster is soooo outdated.

36:Are you a emotional person?
-Kinda.

37:Have you ever lost a friendship over something stupid?
-Yea..

38:What is the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?
-Face

39:Are you afraid of pain?
-Maybe?

40:If you're unhappy, what will you do?
-Talk to my Eeyore.

Tag 5 person to do this quiz!
-Alicia
-Lijing
-Michele
-Serika
-Waihian

~ends~

1) Liza
2) Alicia
3) Waihian
4) Serika
5) Michele
6) Denise
7) Liyun
8) Vengyan
9) Amanda L.
10) Joachim
11) Jerome
12) Vienna
13) Jessica
14) Sihui
15) Christine
16) Conan
17) Weining
18) Weijien
19) Gordius
20) Wenke
21) Cheetat

How did you meet 7? [Liyun]
-After she got transfered to my class?No,when she bullied me through another friend.-.-

What would you do if you and 15 never met? [Christine]
-I wouldnt have known how to become hyper.

What would you do if 20 and 1 dated? [Liza] & [Wenke]
-EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Have you even seen 17 cry? [Weining].
-Nope.i know he is strong.

Would 4 and 16 make a good couple? [Serika] & [Conan]
-one is violent,the other is crappy.i doubt they will.

Do you think 11 is attractive? [Jerome]
-Attractive for his craps?

What's 2's favorite color? [Alicia]
Blue

When was the last time you talked to 9? [Amanda L.]
-Yesterday.

What language do 8 speak? [Vengyan]
-CORN language!!no,has it been changed to carrot language?XD

Who is 13 going out with? [Jessica]
-Her friends uh.

What grade is 16 in? [Conan]
-Grade9

Would you ever date 17? [Weining]
-Like NO.

Where does 18 live? [Weijien]
-Somewhere in Bukit Gombak

What is the best thing about 4? [Serika]
-She can smack the fats out of me.=D

What would you like to tell 10 right now? [Joachim]
-Thanks for being one of the best cat.class teacher ever!!

What is the best thing about 20? [Wenke]
-He isnt a nice person

Have you ever kissed 2? [Alicia]
-No,im not a les.

What is the best memory you have of 5? [Michele]
-Her nickname is looloo.haha.

When's the next time you're going to see 4? [Serika]
-On teacher's day or a sleepover at her house.

How is 7 different from 6? [Liyun] & [Denise]
-One is talented in Math & the other is talented in Art.

Is 2 pretty? [Alicia]
-Like DUH!!Naturally Pretty.

What is your first impression of 15? [Christine]
-Hyper

How did you meet 3? [Waihian]
-After she scolded me on msn

Is 15 your best friend? [Chritine]
-Uhh,no.

Do you hate 12? [Vienna]
-No,she's my cat.class teacher!!

Have you seen 18 in the last month? [Weijien]
-Duh,he's my suck-at-english classmate

When was the last time you saw 16? [Conan]
-Last friday

Have you been to 5's house? [Michele]
-No.

When's the next time you'll see 10? [Joachim]
-If we meet near our house?Next saturday.

Are you close to 11? [Jerome]
-Yea.

Have you been to movies with 4? [Serika]
-Cant remember if it was donkey years ago.

Have you gotten in trouble with 8? [Vengyan]
-No,she's such a nice person.

Would you give 19 hug? [Gordius]
-He gives ppl free hugs but i wont hug him.

When have you lied to 3? [Waihian]
-Never?White lies?

Is 11 good at socializing? [Jerome]
-Yea,even the dogs could talk to him.

Do you know a secret about 8? [Vengyan]
-No?

Decrible the relationship between 12 and 18? [Vienna] & [Weijien]
-They dont know each other

What's the best thing about your friendship with 9? [Amanda L.]
-She is gifted with the talent of art.

What's the worst thing about 6? [Denise]
-She loves chocolates.

Have you ever had a crush on 12? [Amanda L.]
-NO.im not a les.

How long have you known 2? [Alicia]
-Since Secondary 2

Does 11 have a bf/gf? [Jerome]
-Maybe not?

Have you ever wanted to punch 1 in the face? [Liza]
-Play-punch?

Had 21 met ur mother? [Cheetat]
-Nope

How did you meet 11? [Jerome]
-From primary 3 cat.class as a teacher.

Did you ever accidentally physically hurt 3? [Waihian]
-Yea..

Do you live close to 7? [Liyun]
-Nope

What is 8's favourite food? [Vengyan]
-I dont know

What kind of car does 1 have? [Liza]
-No car!

Have you traveled anywhere with 9? [Amanda L.]
-Nope.

If you gave 14 $100, what would they spend on? [Sihui]
-Probably everything on twilight stuff.

Tag 7 people to do this quiz:
-Alicia
-Waihian
-Denise
-Gordius
-Serika
-Weijien
-Weining


probably f**ked up in life now.
everything doesnt seem good.
maybe is should just start smoking.
maybe i should just go for the pierce.
maybe i should just get suspended from school.
i dont know.
but if i smoke,pierce or get suspended,she wont talk to me.
why?
why must my life be like that?
suffering & not enjoying everyday.
listening to people's troubles,coping with schoolwork,coping with cca & trying to control myself.
i dont even have time to reflect on what i do.
why?
why doesnt anyone understand the situation im in?
why does everyone put the blames on me?
why must i get humilated for things that is un-true?
why must my studies get affected by these?
why...
im confused,i dont know what to do.
on the verge of commiting suicide anytime from now...
i cant take it no more...

-Broke down already -

~ends~

had a great day today?
maybe?
1st lesson of class without jerome around,cant listen to his craps.=(
but he'll be back on the 29th.=)
lol.
joachim was the only teacher today.
vienna's sick.hope she recovers.
well,more on church history.
HISTORY-one of my favourite topics/subjects.

anyways,
joachim showed us the size of the shirt & he confirmed the color with us.
not bad eh.
lesson ended but we had to collect stuff.
Jerome wrote a letter for each of us-i was surprised.
took a copy of mustard seed,a news publication.
then joachim was telling us about a event that requires you to walk 7km barefooted,but its all for the 3rd world people.
the guys lost in the argument against me about the cost of the event.
then natalie said i was very philosophical.
._.
more like a very soft person when it comes to the 3rd world stuff.

read the letter Jerome wrote to me.
nearly teared.
it was so touching.
then walked to kfc to meet mum.
but vanessa saw me on the way so we walked there together.
went to church & after service,went to the bookshop to find new CDs.
saw 3 CDs & decided to ask ahma to buy.
but its total cost was $90.
so decided to ask them to reserve for me.

then met aunt philo & headed to TCC for my tiramisu.
yummys!
then took a train to tampinese to have dinner at seoul garden.
food was reasonable & not.
left tampinese & mum & friends behind & i headed home.
pictures taken will be updated in facebook either tmr or next week.


why is this feeling coming back?
is it because of you?
i seem to call everything with your name.
i think im missing you right now..
how i wish you were here now.


~ends~

had an angry-boring day for me.
in the morning,mr foo scolded me.
fish him.
mr pang didnt come.
slacked.
then it was english.
got scolded by ms Aishah,because of that bitch.

i am loud by nature okay?
dunnoe my defects then just shut your bitching mouth up.

i showed ms Aishah attitude,i didnt care.
why chase me away when im trying to help liyun.
fish the craps out of ms Aishah.
next was history & i totally was not in the mood.
got back hw results.16/17.
damn happy can?
but i did not show my happiness.

recess etc.
went to do duty.
got scolded by syafawati.for my tie.
wth.
its really tight can?
just kept quiet.
i didnt care.

chinese was after recess.
had a class test.
was amazed at how wenke,kenneth,jinzhan cheated.
started laughing.
wenke wanted to tell me the answer,
but no,i wont cheat.
anyways,did the paper within 10~15mins & slept for the rest of the 30mins.
mdm toh kept poking me,causing disruption in my beauty sleep.
she kept poking me.
fish her.

here'sthe conversation:
mdm toh:qi lai
me:(errrrrrrrrr)
mdm toh:xiao zhang shuo bu yao shui jiao
me:walao.
mdm toh:qi lai la.
me:KAO PEI LAH!

she kept quiet & walked away.
then had math test.
3pages in total,i did only 2 pages.
i didnt learn chp.4 clearly
physics,a sure fail test,unprepared for it.

im sorry.
i still miss choir.
yes i admit.
but once a singer,forever a singer,the origin never dies away.
i got over it abit.
but choir,do your best in 2011.

~ends~

such a boring & angry day it was for me.
went to school,
bugs bunny made me angry.
then went to lesson,the guys made me angry.
like wth?
then i was so angry that all the wonderful words came out.
"wonderful" to say.


anws,had alot of fun in the chemistry lab today,took pictures of molecule models,
which i made it known as "remote controller":


these cute "remote controllers"



these some kind of relieving stress squeezer



these miniature "remote controllers"



These cute red&yellow "tank"



after the long,trechous assembly at the hall,
liyun & i went to have our lunch at the canteen.
but after getting our food,
a group of malay guys just took our seats & i could not pass through to my seat.

getting fed up,i just sat somewhere else.
had fall in & was told that there were pizza ordered.
didnt ate the pizza.
didnt ate it because it was not an expected reward,i failed my duty as a senior.
so went to watch how the netballers warmup.
totally go pissed at how the sec1's warm up.
i think i also can do it better.

had a lecturing fom mr.ong during band.
was already in a fished up mood.
then played tribal & to challenge the heavens & skies above.
quite nice actually.
went home with Alicia pig & Hazelnuts.
lol.


who will understand me..?

~ends~

I cant stand it no more.
Everyday i feel a different person.
I really cant stand it.i wish this freaking life is over
i dont wanna live no more.
freaking shit.
I CANT STAND IT!!

how i wish HE will just come down to earth & take me away.
somewhere where no one can find me,no on can talk to me.
somewhere where i could just spend a moment with God,telling him all my troubles,my pain.i would just cry out,YAWEH YAWEH,FORGIVE ME OF ALL MY SINS.
no one,noone will know how i feel,no one.
i dont want to stress anyone.no,i wont.

i just wish this life would quickly pass.
bearing all the pain & suffering.
god,take this cup away from me.

I WOULD DIE NOW IF I COULD.

why cant anyone understand me?

~ends~

Happy Easter once again.
totally in a disastrous mood.
sorry.

well,
didnt managed to finish up my hw today.
most of the time was spent on facebook & maple.
more ever,i didnt care if i was to fail for any test or not.
be it math or chinese.
maybe not.
if i got hope,i will pass,but look at the results.
NO HOPE.
gawd.
i wonder when will i have my light back.

chinese oral's on tuesday.
a 10-90 ratio in failing.
i need help.

sorry seems to be the hardest word.
if only i had gave in & not joked.
is it time for me to start keeping quiet/quieten down?
my jokes always turn out to be a disaster.
why?
maybe i should just be quiet now.


~ends~

recently,many things have happened.
i refuse to reveal them.

but before i continue with the updates,let me wish all you epople out there:
HAPPY EASTER!
okay,back to normal stuff.
went out with Alicia pig yesterday morning.
then went home to rest,finished up with the video.
then headed to church.
something happened on the way there.

then bought food to eat,followed by 2 bottles of tea,2 boxes of sweets.
then mass started.
had a very cool one.
it didnt ended later than i expected.

went home alone,with no food.
ah,whatever.


well people,i guess i have to tell you.
if you dont know me well,kindly dont offend me pls.
i have my own rights,whatsoever.
im also born with abnormalities.
im not a normal person,unlike you out there.
i have my own defects.
i dont care how you treat me,just dont anger me.

ps:i dont want to state the defects.

~ends~

things happened.
i knew i should not have done it.but i did it.
i knew she is hurt.
how stupid can i be?
someone who only knows how to hurt ppl.im sorry.
im sorry.
but im happy as long as you forgave me & am happy too.
was on the verge of breaking down & having a gigantic sore eye.
but it didnt turn a downway.i threw it away already,
fred not i wont buy or do it again.


here's a short poem about you,hopefully you do read it:
(she=you)

she knows my plight,she knows my situation,she tries to solve them & cheers me up everyday.
she knows when im in bad mood & the reasons behind it.
she experienced most of the situation i went through & feelings as well.
she's a great counsellor & a great friend.
someone who i can depend on when i needed help,when i needed courage.
she always cheers me on.

she fills my cup when im parched.
she helps me up when i fall.
she pushes me on when i laze.
she knows me inside out.
she knows my flaws & strength.

i must be grateful for having a friend like her.
someone who's understanding.
someone who's kind & thoughtful.
i've never had a friend like her before.
i'm grateful that she's my friend,
& i will never want to lose her as my best friend.

all i can say now is,
"Thanks for being my best friend & giving me this last opportunity."

~ends~

1) Give names according to the letters.
A- Alicia
B- Benny
C- Celeste
D- Denise
E- Ernest
F- Francis
G- Germaine
H- Hidaya
I- I. Sabrina
J- Jesmond
K- Karin
L- Liza
M- Michele
N- Natalie
O-
P- Pei Xiang
Q- Queenie
R- Ryan
S- Serika
T- Tessa
U- ??
V- Veng Yan
W- Waihian
X- Xavier
Y- Ying Shuen
Z- Zhenyu
1)Is A your friend? (Alicia)
-Of course yes lah!!
2) Can R & S be together in BGR?(Ryan & Serika)
-provided they know each other first
3) How's L related to you? (Liza)
-My 8-years bestie!!
4) Does Y know Z?(Yingshuen,Zhenyu)
-maybe?
5) If C betrays you, will you kill him/her?
-No.
6) If K steals your girlfriend, will you kill him/her?(Karin)
-i am pure.
7) What if D tells you he/she has a crush on you?(Denise)
-i am pure.
8) Will you and M get into a fight? (Michele)
-No.c'mon,she's also my good friend.
9) Who does V have a crush on?(Vengyan)
-so kpo.
10) If W calls you a bitch, what will you do?(Waihian)
-call her back too.
11) What's the relationship between you & E? (Ernest)
-My cat classmate!!
12) Who does Z like? (Zhenyu)
-he loves everything related to art.
13) Who is I's best friend? (I.sabrina)
-Azura?
14) What colour does Y like? (Yingshuen)
-dunnoe?
15) Where does F live?(Francis)
-Somewhere in toa payoh?
16) Did you and C have a fight before? (Celeste)
-we wont even argue.
17) Who is H's best friend? (Hidaya)
-Dunnoe?
18) What can you say about P?(Peixiang)
-She's a bass trombonist.
19) What if J tells you he/she has a crush on you? (Jesmond)
-It wont happen Again.


got so bored so decided to take a quiz from pig's blog.
somehow,i am so bored 'till i went to cut all papers.
tmr got church,i think i will not go.

~ends~

today's sports day was a total disaster for me.
lost in the first game of captan's ball.
also due to the wet grass patch & we had no defender.
rested.
then had another calling for a relay team.
we needed points.
so just joined the 4x400m relay.
first runner was my senior SL.
followed by chloe & mavis.
i was the last runner.

though my team came in last,we did our best.
congratz to senior SL,chloe & mavis.

after running,my muscles hurt alot.
i couldnt move.
lying down on the grass patch,the piercing pain was sent down through my thigh muscles.
it was painful,i was nearly tearing.
helped up by senior SL & dongqi,
they supported me to the first aide area.
i was given a crea to rub on the hurting area.
then i limped back.
sat down & thanked senior.

boring day.
took a bus down but utterly had a sudden change of mood 'till i decided to walk to school.
had no mood to eat.
totally,my face was utter black.
then i changed again.i had cheer-ed up.
went home with Alicia pig,Hazel the nut & Chee bobo.
lol.

tmr still having band practice.
& also the last day of seeing Jerome's face.
after tmr,i cant have a fun argument with him.=(
hope he survives through NS.
plan to get a carebear for him though.
stupid teacher of stupid face.
=.=

~ends~

yo babes & dudes~
guess wat?
im alive!!!
high-ness.

29th march
went for church after 3 weeks of not attending mass & choir practices.
3 weeks you know!!
okays,they cared & didnt get angry with me.
i managed to sing & got pissed off at some people.

after choir practice,travelled home & changed my shorts to play basketball with a group of friends.
met up with waihian,weining,dragon,bengchew,jonathan for basketball.
played until 7plus 8 plus then walked to the "famous" delicious delicacy of sambal fried rice.
tok a bus home.


30th march
had schoolas usual.
same boring daily routine.
yawns~
stayed back for another round of basketball,with different & similar faces now?
introducing 2 horrendouz basketball monsters who are professionals' at basketball.
went home & slacked the whole day out.


31st march
boring routine as usual.
only that we had Additional Mathematics "lesson" also known as supplementary.
boring.total unwillingness in learning.
went to play basketball after that with some familar & unfamilar faces again.


1st april
normal routine.
had band without sectionals.
went to westmall with waihian to get some stuff & was quiet after some time.


2nd april
today,
somehow,didnt have the mood to scold anyone in class also,as usual.
finished up english hw & let liyun copy.
went to lavender to make my ic.
headed to bugis soon after.
took a bus down to bukit batok & went on separate ways.



Glad to know that Jesmond has turned over a new leaf.
after all the troubles he caused,whatsoever,he changed & ought to receive a second chance.
Just pray Jesmond,God will help you.

~ends~

` C.laudia S.L.Y.X
` 16;22nd July
` Green FREAK
` Lame,Crazy,Hyper & Fun around
` Friends before anything
` Panda's are loved

Dont judge me without knowing me