i dont want to update about what happened days ago,but im just gonna update about today & yesterday.

after that incident where Penguin didnt want to talk to me because i did not deleted the songs,
i went home & deleted the songs immediately.
yes,i agree with what she said about it.
it reduces my level of patience,it makes me get irritated easier,i'll become more vulgar.
only after a week then i realised it.
i was being a good girl all the while nly until when Jamine Ng from 3A3 went to insult me that i got angry & scolded her the vulgarities.
i humbly apologize for that.

today,
had our first few papers to start off common test 1.
english was first & many chose personal recount.
it was followed by social studies when many had forgotten abt it.
after recess was chemistry & then mother tongue paper.
i wrote my name & did the MCQ questions,& a compre question.

didnt go out today as i was dead tired.
i wanted to sleep but each time i closed my eyes,i would start crying.
i didnt sleep then.
used computer & slacked for the whole day.
chatted & played online games.


the dreams are what thats pulling me down.
i dont know what to do.
yes,im sorry for everything.
for not listening at first,for pissing you off.
i never did already.
God,take meus vita a is universitas...
i hope so...
i dont want to see all of you that way.
i want all of you to live through life & be happy.
even is God take meus vita a is universitas,
i will be happy for all of you.

currently-should i just slash my veins to death or just live for the sake of living..?

~ends~

helloooooooooo people~
time to crap.
nah,i was joking.
time for updates of course.

Wednesday[18th february],
had band,& we did marching for the submission of the video in order to get into SYF.
damn...
it was so tiring that when i reached home,i was dead tired,
i could hardly move an inch,
my bones were all cracking.


Thursday[19th february],
first 2 periods was mother tongue,
was in class fiishing up my food which i had bought at the shop which sells bubble tea.
somehow,
thanks to jasmine that her phone got confiscated.
i nearly laughed my ass off.
The next 2 periods were physics & i totally started paying attention.
WOW....
like i became the most attentive person in class?
realised that to pass science,physics is a MUST to pass.
It was finally mathematics,& we finished up chapter2.

After recess was social studies.
decided to pay attention but during the 2nd period,i fell asleep.
it was english after that & i could not sleep at all,for sure that i will bridge the 50cents law.
had only a period of english due to the fact that we were going to the discovery centre.
ate with liyun & boarded the bus.
reached there & had some exchange of knowledge stuff.
& I WAS SABOTAGED.

nvm,went back to school,took our stuff & headed to westmall.
on the way,saw a panguin & we started shouting out her name.
amusingly,she did not respond.
liyun decided to run over to stop her walk & say hello.
caught up with them & said hello too.
whilst accompanying her to wait for the bus,
i got prints of whacking marks all over my left & right arm.
She didnt want to talk to me because i hadn't deleted some stuff.

Boarded the bus & we continued walking to westmall.
went to popular & then to shop&save to get some stuff.
took 945 home & i had to change bus.
then i took 188 home.


Friday[yesterday],
really had fun,but before i update the "fun",let me continue about school.
again,first 2 periods was mother tongue but we had to proceed to the hall to watch some of the
student getting caned.
the sound of the cane when it landed on the target,sounded terrifying.
but judging from the experience of last year when some of my classmates got caned in class,
it was not pain at all.

before we went to the hall,
Mdm toh told me in mandrin that if i dont want to go for remedial,ask my mum to write a letter,which is totally impossible.if not,she said,i must attend the remedial.

ok...
it totally sucks.
had 2 periods of Additional Mathematics,& we got back our test paper.
i had expected it.
I flunk my test..
all were careless mistakes..
i cant believe im so stupid.
was quite emo after the results but cheer-ed up soon after.
Chemistry & mr.thiru was abit horny.

after recess was chemistry again.
mr.thiru was at complete level of being horny.
skip that,it was english.
Did a listening comprehension & then a piece of spontaneous writing.
complete horny-ness again.
we started laughing like crazy people.

bell rang & im off to the brown table.
but i had a meeting.
went for the meeting,which wasnt like a meeting at all.
i was told to do canteen duty.
damn it.
walked with veng yan to bukit batok interchange & parted off a i needed to reach home & bathe.


met Pig at bukit batok interchange & went to mac to do some hw.
i couldn't finish all of them.
actually,i was busy laughing.
then went to westmall popular to get some stuff & headed for a game of spying!
took 189 & was dodging any various form of threat[maids].
bought my cup noodles & went up to the 6th floor to start spying,but went a level down instead.
the view from the 5th level was acceptable & we started our "business" of spying.
at around 7,the game ended & we walked around the neighbourhood.

went to find bak chang's house & i kept shouting "bak chang".
heaving a sigh of relieve was after we went down to the 1st floor & acted normal.
shall skip one part.
went to the fitness corner & slacked there.
listened to music & chatted whilst at the same time,had a free view of people exercising.
slacked until 8plus & i was off to home.
took bus home & went online immediately.
chatted & i fell asleep with electricity charging into my laptop until 5am this morning.
woke up,switched off everything & fell asleep again.


today,
will be attending catechism at 2pm sharp & then a wedding.
tmr,i must attend church.


thanks for everything pig~


~ends~

totally spend the day home,sleeping & chatting.
gave up on a maths hw,a look at the question,my mind goes bonkers.
goodness gracious mamamia.
i skipped church for 2 weeks!!
holly craps~
there are so many things to be done yet are undone!!
goodness,stress level is like:

-90%


suddenly thought of this song,O God,You Search Me.
its meaning,even though is a soft music,sometimes make me think how far am i from god.
so im gonna type out the song for some of you people out there,who has completely lost your hope,faith in whatever you do,look at these lyrics:


O God,you search me & you know me.
All my thoughts lie open to your gaze.
When I walk or lie down you are before me,
Ever the maker & keeper of my days.

You know my restinf & my rising.
You discern my purpose from afar.
And with loveeverlasing you besiege me,
In every moment of life or death you are.

Before a word is on my tongue lord,
you haveknown its meaning through & through.
You are with me beyond my understanding,
God of my present,my past & future too.

Although your spirit is upon me,
Still I search forshelter from your light.
There is nowhere on earth I can escape you:
Even the darkness is radiant in your sight.

For you created me & shaped me,
Gave me life wthin my mother's womb.
For the wonder of who i am i praise you:
Safe in your hands all creation is made new.

-the video





how is it?
it did made me cry.
it made me realise alot of things.
i didnt appreciate God for all the things he gave & done for me.
I neglected him many times.
it all has got linkage.
it linked my life to the footprint story.
Here it it:


'One night, I dreamt I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene, I noticed footprints in the sand, Sometimes there were one set of footprint; other times, there were two sets of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could only see one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,'Lord,you promised me that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed during the most trying/challenging periods of my life, there have been only one set of footprints in the sand.Why,when I needed you the most you have not been there for me?'
The Lord replied,' The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you.'


i really couldnt thank im for everything.
he was there all the while,every minute & every second of the day.
yet,how ungrateful can i be!
not accepting his call to open my heart to him.
i am sorry..

~ends~

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY



-regardless of whether you're attached or not.



ok,todays marks the first day where the no.of posts reached 100 & also the first time in 14 years celebrating valentines' day.
oh ya,



HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASMINE LEE~~



-her 15th birthday



went to class,& was almost late,but i took my time.
went to class & had alot of reflection i suppose.
went to have lunch & then went to meet up with weining & alicia to do hw & slack.
did hw & proceeded to the arcade to have some fun.
really had LOADS of fun with them.




time to thank ppl now:
-Alicia,for her sweets & letter
-Weining for his heart-shaped chocolates & rose
-Denise & inging for their heart-shaped cards
-Jerome for his candies
-Vienna for her sweets
-Amanda yip & Amanda Lim for their chocolates

will update the pictures tmr~
bye~

~ends~



fine,whatever.
not in a pleasant mood to update this blog.

effing angry with effing uncle who effing dont give a damn about my life.
practically,to summarise it,no one understands me.
want to control this & that,
everything also my fault.
might as well dont stay at home!!
i'd rather die than to suffer here.
fine,whatever.

~ends~

let me start off this post with my stand on others.
my views:

what's the use of knowing other people's secret?
well,i have to agree & disagree on this.

Firstly,
i agree on this point because there are various advantage of knowing you friends secret.
Take for example,
your friend tells you her secret,& then you tell yours too.
If she ended up sabotaging you by spreading the word to the whole world?
ok,here's the advantage,you get to tell the world about hers too.
Next,
If she's your good friend,best friend or close friend,you ought to share secrets right?
More ever,
If you people have not met up for quite a while,its a good way to get to know about the recent happenings in each others' life.

Now,coming to the disagreement part.
Why in the world would i disagree too?
You see,
what's the use of knowing other people's secret when it does not concerns you?
Next,
if your friend tells you about her secret & she tells someone else,& it happens to be you enemy,
you renemy may just use it as a trick to have a sour relationship with your friend.

You see,there are positive & negative sides.
So whatever side you choose,it always depend on the situation also.
Its not some kind of bombardment or scolding,but its my point of view on this.



I have NO idea why i did this exposition.
somehow,i felt so depressed today.
went to school as early at 7.20am,started preparing for the sale of heart-shaped cards for Valentine's Day,& we started asking around.
Didnt do that well until we walked into classes & explained to the students about the cards.
most of it was sold & nearing to the end of the first lesson,we finished.
the sale of 300 cards totaled to $60 profit,which is donated to charity.
there will be another sale tmr,after getting good response today.


omg...
im getting more & more depressed each day.
sudden emotion..
i dont know what to do.
all i could think of is,negative thoughts.
i dont want!!
i want to be good!!
someone help me please...

~ends~

Like what i said,i have never had a great life since young.
All the while,i depended on others or i fell down in life.
Here is a story of how my secondary school life is:


After graduating from school & entering into secondary education life,
i felt nervous about everything,especially now that there's boys around the class.
Being from a single-gendered school makes me feel alot happier & that i have more freedom,
but now,its totally the opposite.

On the first day of school,
i thoughtthat the guys would probably bully me for the utmost reasons,
but woah,they didnt.
As each day passes,the guys grew naughtier & naughtier.
I was terrified by them,almost.

At once,they would snatch away the girls' mobile phone & run to the gents to read the messages.
looks like they have not grown up?
okay,i did my part in helping by trying to get the phone back.
well,sometimes they did,sometimes they didnt.
Next,they took our pencil cases & plays "Monkey" with it.
practically,the girl becomes the "monkey".& they keep throwing to each other until the pencil case keeps dropping & the stationery inside it is spoiled.

Then,they snatch away "letters" that was sent by other guys/girls to a girl.
how rude!
I was one who could not tolerate bullying girls situations.
complained to the Discipline Head but nothing was done,i went on t complain to my mother who email-ed a letter to the school & only then did they take actions against these situations.

[skip sec2]


Now,in year3,
everything's changed.people,classmates,teachers,subject combinations.
& of course,me,becoming a more depressed & stressed up person after taking double up math.
Friendships with others turned for the worse,& i was affected even before it happened.
In three years,to say,
i became a over-sensitive person.

oh yes,going back to the point.
I was affected even before the friendships turned sour.
Every little thing i did or i did not do,i was affected by it.
As time passed,i fell deeper into depression.i started thinking about how long death was awaiting me.
Everything that i could think of negatively,came to my mind like a maglev train.
Smoking,taking an overdose of panadol/unprescribe medicine,slashing/cutting myself,banging my head hard against the wall.


I always thought of death & negative influence stuffs,when im all alone,when i am depressed or stressed.
I started off slashing myself deeply.when i saw my blood gushing out like a river,i felt at ease.
then i felt that it wasnt enough,i started banging my head against the wall until there was blood.
even so,i still could not calm myself down.
i took an overdose of antibiotics,which caused me to be addicted to it.

It was then i met a friend.
such a nice person to say,really.
She talked like it was no ones' business & cared more than anything else in the world.
i felt elated.
i told her about my situation & she said a sentence which forced me to stop everything.
i tried,i did,but not until one day,
i was overly-depressed & just took the penknife & started slashing again.

Being remourseful of breaking that promise which i had made,
i gave in & admitted my mistake.
surprisingly,she forgave & made me promise her one last time.
i accepted that offer.
But since that day,i had a hard time trying to forget all the negative ways,negative stuffs.
I really wanted to commit suicide,after forcing myself to stop everything.

I had the thought of death until one day...
I went to the high-rise building & sat at the tip of the roof,wanting to jump off any minute.
But then,God appeared & talked to me about my life.
He took me into heaven to show me my past.I couldnt help but to cry.
We spent 5 hours there & he sent me back to earth.
It was then i realised that my special friend was someone who i needed to thank most for everything.

Rushing to her house,i thought about how to thank her.
i had even thought of asking her to be my best friend.
Reaching her doorstep,i cleared my throat & pressed the doorbell,
i couldnt wait to see her again.
Hearing footsteps shuffling towards the door,
i dsperately waited for it to be open.

The doorknob turned.
Sweat trickled down my neck.
the door swung open,it was her.
I immediately hugged & thanked her for everything & i asked her the question that i wanted to ask.
She agreed.
'Till now,we've been best of friends,unseperatable.
& for whatever good that had always happened in life,its her that i have to thank for.



That was one of the stories that i thought of.
not really think,but just thought of the title & i just type out whatever that comes to my mind.

had Con3B class BBQ at Victoria's condominium BBQ pit.
really had fun,but before that,was quite emo because of homework.
blah blah blah~
i went home earlier & michele told me that the guys threw vienna down the pool.
haha.

skipped church today,i was at most tired.
did homework & later on for some ironing of clothes.

~ends~

ah~
sorry for the lack of updates these few days.
was either too busy or too tired.

4th february
suck.
totally,hate class breakfast & i already quarrelled with a classmate.
they cant STFU is it?
nvm,cooled down.
blah blah blah.

after school,during band.
mr ong changed the sitting arrangement for almost all the sections that had split parts.
aziz ended up sitting next to me.
& he got depromoted to 3rd trombone.=)
so he play so loud, 2nd trombonists got scolded by mr ong to play louder.
then went to play with kittens again.


5th february
had chinese test & i only did the MCQ & read english newspaper.
didnt care about physics & i did my own stuff.
got scolded by her.**** ***
then after school,stayed back.met up with mr tan & discussed abt our "project".
then stayed back & had fun,went to see kittens again & then went home.
chatted with samuel on the way.then took bus & went home.



6th february
was not in the mood actually but then was super high.
laughed non stop during band.
thanks to aziz,who really is a comedian,i could not stop laughing.
again,mr ong picked on 2nd & 3rd trombone.
walk with pig & nuts to the interchange & then went our seperate ways.

tmr having a bbq with Con3B.
cant wait for Con3B class tee.




its over between us.
byebye~
even if its possible,it will turn out impossible in the end.
i just wish you all the best.

~ends~

i hate adults.
i swear i will take revenge on them.
saw kittens& decided to adopt them.
but in the end,everyone also cannot...
T.T
liyun mum didnt let her keep them,my mum scolded me for even touching them.
i hate adults!!
we had to leave the cats..
i started crying on the way home,i didnt stop even in the toilet.

the kitten are so pityful,they're harmless.
they just die like that?why?
why?why?why?
its not their fault.why they take the fault for us?
i want to uphold judgement on the final day.
i want to forgive but i will nvr forgive myself for this incident.
i hate humans,human sins.

just let me be.
i take the guilt.
leave me alone.
i dont want to talk about him too...

~ends~

31st january
yesterday,went for catechism late.
but not so late.lol.
had icebreakers,etc etc.
had a new teacher too,named Vienna.
already dislike her from yesterday.i will make her get fed up for sure!!
then Joachim said that when he called our names,we were suppose to go to where he was & verify our particulars,& also take a tiny paper from a bag.
the paper had the name of the person who you had to be nice to.
damn,i got _________ .

ok,nvm.
went on to kfc to eat with Michelle.
had some catching up.didnt meet each other for quite a long time~
we chatted happily like we nvr chatted before.
then went to popular & shopped for awhile & went to send her off at bus 88 stand.
went to take 157 & changed to 165 to go home.
went home to charge my phone & then went out again to meet Alicia.
took same bus also.then took train to Lot1.
ate & then shopped for hp straps~
lol~

went to the library,& decided to just hang around.
Pig saw her classmate & hid.
but too bad,she was spotted!!
then i took a book,sat down & read.but Pig suddenly said that got a girl who look like chopsticks when she wore a brown skinnys.
i laughed like....omg.
then went to shop for our hp straps!!
then went to eat Yami yogurt & then to NTUC to get my milk.
then train-ed home with her to bukit batok & then took 106 home.



1st febuary
today,had my cantoring(solo).
wore an off shoulder shirt that the choir auntys were talking about,they said it looked cute.
& they all agreed that today was the best cantoring(solo) i had ever sung!!
omg!!
i thought they were bluffing but no,even the conductor said that it was the best ever!!
im so happy.finally,i got all the notes correct & i had more confidence this time.
went to eat after that & then shop around Novena square & Square 2.

went to bukit gombak to change& then meet up with Waihian,Weining & Ah Beng(??)
then played badminton.
around 4plus.went our separate ways but me & Waihian wen to shop & save to get some stuff.
ate at the western food coffee shop & then went home.

ah~~~
i dont feel like going for remedial tmr.
its gonna be so boring~
i have so many things that i wanna try but i cant.=/
i need to learn to forget him.
& i know i did abit.


~ends~

` C.laudia S.L.Y.X
` 16;22nd July
` Green FREAK
` Lame,Crazy,Hyper & Fun around
` Friends before anything
` Panda's are loved

Dont judge me without knowing me